You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
