I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
