Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
