i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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