Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
