make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
