I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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