I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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