they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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