i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
