I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
