I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
