so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
