just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
did i walk over a car last night?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
