i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
