she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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