I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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