Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
