You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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