what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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