Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
