So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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