I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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