How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
