I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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