So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
