even my farts smell like vagina
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
