Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
