You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I want a musical about memes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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