the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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