Don't make out with my wife yet
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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