Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
