What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
