how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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