I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
