i think i have herpe
just one?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
