is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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