I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
