super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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