Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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