Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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