He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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