it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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