i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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