I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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