I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
