1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
