In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
