Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
