Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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