Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My pussy is not your playground.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
