Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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