Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
