um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
