she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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