hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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