So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
