We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
