I got chris browned last night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
