it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
