I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
