4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
