Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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