my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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