im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
