Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
