I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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