Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
